ME?!!!! lmao
man, life is a trip. been a single dad for a year and some change.
And im still here mother fuckers.
??did you think i'd lay down and die??
I have never been as focused in life as i have been the last few months,
Were they crazy, hectic, full of emotions and mental breakdowns? hell yeah.
But we got through it.
Pretty much alone.
Thats fucking hard.
what can i take away from it?
That for my whole adult life ive tried so hard to get this LOVE/Relationship shindig right...I craved it, Yearned for it...
and i still couldnt make it work.
But i guess it wont work till you're truly happy with yourself.
and i wasnt, I hadnt been for a while.
So life handed me lemons.
I've tried to handle my impending divorce with as much grace and patience as i possibly could.
I'm glad to say i havent fumbled.
My wife didnt want to be with me anymore, and I didnt want to chase anyone. so there it ended.
what am i trying to say?
Dont make your life about one person, its toxic, its not healthy , dont lose yourself. Not cause it might turn ugly but you might come out of it not knowing who you are anymore. I know for a little while i felt lost. dying to be a good father and husband that when it ceased to exist, i couldnt function.
Slowly but surely I found myself, continuing to do so, not only find what i forgotten but adding to it being an ever evolving human.
am i bitter? hmmm i wrestle with that. Sometimes i am , and sometimes i am not.
all in all its made me a better human, a more patient father, and a stronger individual.
I am no longer who i can meet the desires of, who i can fix. Im over all that shit.
Maybe cause i have kids and i can put my energy into that.
Maybe thats the blessing ,maybe thats the curse.
what i do know is , i finally know and can see my worth.
im not budging anymore.
ITS FUCKING 2020! HOW CRAZY IS THAT! , i started this blog, TEN YEARS AGO??! vomit!!!! lol
bye!
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