Washing bottles always feels therapeutic. It's almost as if there's not much you can do to speed up the process. I guess you can skip boiling them. I don't know if I could live with that tho.so I wash the bottles at a convenient time almost always around this time, put the baby to sleep, Ezra comes down every ten minutes to check in on me gives me a handshake and a kiss on the cheek. I tell him comedown one more time and I'll smack his butt , it's time for bed, he says okay papa. There are moments like these where i tell myself I can do it. I can do it all , be everything to my sons, be successful in art and health. Putting my happiness in others til it consumes me and annoys them. I remember stina told me that she never had one picture of her parents together until her 16thcbirthday.
I think about that a lot and how something like that would affect my own kids. How they will never see their parents happy together, how they will never understand why they didn't try to work it out. I do believe we have it in us to be good co parents or civil or what ever you want to call it, or at least I hope so. Who knows. She had that picture on her fridge for a while , and I'm sure my kids will do that too someday , in some digital form lol. I love my kids, I love them when they bugg me when I'm trying to get work done, I love it when Ezra tries to help me with zephyr only making it more difficult. I love when zephyr is determined to walk but just can't get the hang of it so he screams and cries and breaks a sweat trying to walk again. He's a determined little dude. I don't have regrets about my kids , if anything they've made me compassionate, driven, happy. I just wish I could give them a stable relationship with their parents. It breaks my heart to think of it and I hope it doesn't define them. I hope they see regardless of what me and their mother have gone through our love for them only goes stronger everyday, I hope they realize it as the grow as men. There's a lot of crazy things in the world , and while love is important I hope the lack of it or yearn for it doesn't define them like it has me.
No comments:
Post a Comment